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Photo credit by Robert Bejil Photography

Getting back into the swing of dating after going through a divorce can be tough. Many people, men and women alike, feel awkward as they try to build a new social life and get to know new people. Often, there is a lot of pressure to be witty, smart, and in general be impressive on that first date, pressure that does not have to be there. If you are facing your first date after divorce, here are some tips that may help keep the pressure to a minimum.

One of the first things to keep in mind is that dating is not a competition. Either the two of you hit it off, or you don’t. There is no failure either way. For this reason, don’t feel as if you have to put on some sort of act, or be something that you’re not in order to make the date a success. Approach the date as an evening out with someone new, and go into the event with an attitude that you are going to enjoy yourself, no matter what.

Next, keep it casual. First dates can be awkward for everybody, so go for something that is simple and likely familiar for both of you. If you and your date both happen to want to see a particular movie, then go. When Italian is a favorite for both, then make that your destination. By keeping to activities that each of you are comfortable with, some of the stress will subside and you can enjoy the time, rather than feeling like you are on display and must perform.

A third consideration has to do with the conversation during the evening. Focus on getting to know your date, no rehashing everything that went on in your marriage or what you think of your former spouse. If you have children, it is fine to mention them and possibly share an anecdote or two, especially if your date also has kids. Just make sure to keep the conversation positive, light, and fun for you both.

There is usually some awkwardness as the evening draws to a close. Should good-byes be said at the door, or should the evening continue on into the morning? While this decision is really up to the two adults involved, keep in mind that if your feelings are still tender from the divorce, you may be playing with fire if you are intimate with someone else too soon. Assuming that you had a good time, and think your date did too, there is nothing wrong with making arrangements for a second date, and calling it a night. This will give both of you a little breathing room to decide if this is something that both of you want to pursue.

Above all, don’t think that you have to jump back into the dating pool while the ink is still drying on the divorce papers. Whatever the circumstances surrounding the end of your marriage, there is a good chance you need a little time to get your bearings and lay the groundwork for your life as a single person. Use this time to get a handle on what you want out of life, and to spend time with friends and family. When the time is right, you can take that first step back into the world of dating, and probably enjoy it a lot more than if you rushed into anything.